


The Repetition of a Root

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Biting, Cumshot, Drugs, Explicit Language, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-11
Updated: 2010-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-04 15:48:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyo's a novelist addicted to drugs. His sights are set on the only person who's ever made him feel like life is worth living, Daisuke: the charming young model whose only concern is Kyo's wellbeing.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not condone drugs, nor have I used them. I'm trying to be as realistic as possible, but please be aware I cannot write from personal experience, so things may be a bit off in that respect. **Note: the drug I am referencing will go unnamed. Yes, this is an edit. Pretend it is a made up drug from planet Z in another star system.**  
>  Beta Readers: rapturouspurple  
> Song[s]: "Unknown･･･Despair･･･a Lost" by Dir en grey

Kyo stumbled into the bathroom stall, his eyes focusing for a moment on the dingy brownish-green color of the walls. Disgusting... equally as disgusting as he himself was at that moment in his life, he was certain. Falling to his knees, he managed to grab hold of the sides of the white porcelain commode, the world spinning around him. Not only was he drunk, but he was higher than a kite.

His eyes crossed and he gasped in a deep breath of air. Hours ago, this had felt like fun... hours ago, it _had_ been fun. But now, with his hands gripping the sides of the most disgusting toilet in all of Detroit, he was certain this was not at all fun. In fact, this was the opposite of fun. This was hell.

'Welcome to the bottom of death valley, Kyo,' he thought sourly as he closed his eyes, trying to hold onto that last piece of consciousness. Bathrooms weren't the place to pass out; he'd learned that particular lesson months ago in a place just like this one. Only that had been in Seattle. He remembered the rain and the clouds and the overall atmosphere of the city. Unfortunately, he didn't remember much more about it than that.

The world heaved a sharp left and his head hit the metal side of the stall, the sound reverberating through his brain. He groaned, blinking rapidly to quell the tears of pain that welled in his eyes. Maybe... if he just did another line... he'd stay awake longer. Somehow that thought made sense to his drug-infused system and he let go of the toilet to dig through his pockets. Things fell to the floor, one after another: his cell phone, lighter, and then his little square mirror. The edge broke off and went sliding across the floor as Kyo watched it make its progression into the next stall over.

He grumbled to himself and picked up the remnants he could reach from his position, putting them on the back of the toilet. Finally, he found the little jewelers baggy of white powder in his left pocket, right where he now remembered he'd put it. 'Always that pocket,' he reminded himself rather irritably. Why was it he never remembered even though it was always the same? Part of him supposed it didn't really matter. He tugged the two sides of the baggy apart, the little plastic zipper giving way enough for him to get to the contents of the pouch.

Carefully, he poured some out onto the toilet seat, his mirror now a useless relic of his past. Swallowing thickly, he swayed again as he searched his pockets for the last two items he needed: a credit card and a plastic straw cut down to almost nothing. Those were easy to find, the only things left in his pockets now, even his ID had gone missing at some point throughout the night. He cut three lines out of the powder with a trembling hand and then stuck the plastic card back in his pocket. A moment later, he had the straw up one nostril and the other plugged with his thumb as he leaned down and snorted the first line.

It stung... stung like a bee had just flown up his nose and tried to murder him with the stinger. But he ignored it, quickly snorting the second line, following it with a satisfied little sound as the drug rushed through his veins, contaminating everything it touched inside him. He paused then, rubbing his hands on his pants while he stared blankly at the wall in front of him. A few minutes passed by, his pupils dilating as he allowed the world to simply exist around him, running away without him, he presumed.

Someone banged on the door, the metal rattling around as the plastic latch threatened to give way. Kyo jumped, his eyes wide and his breathing picking up. A voice from the other side called his name and he calmed down. It was only Die; he could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Dude... are you fucking dead in there or what?" Die's words were slurred together, stuck like statically charged pieces of Styrofoam stick to one another. Just from his way of talking, Kyo could pick up on how close to his limit Die really was. One beer... maybe two if he was pushing it. Three if he wanted to wake up in a puddle of his own vomit in the morning.

"Not yet," Kyo returned, his eyes barely focused on the last line on the seat in front of him. Was that the point? Maybe so... maybe not. His nose burned and began to trickle. He put his hand up to wipe what he presumed was snot away only to draw back his hand and stare at it in mild horror. Crimson stained the pale white of the back of his hand, streaked across the black ink of his tattoo. For what seemed like an eternity, he stared down at the brilliant red, watching as more splashed from his nose down the front of his shirt, some of the droplets making their way down to his fading black jeans, now a dingy grey.

He didn't bother with even wiping up the last line, or with flushing it down the toilet. He just reached up and pushed open the latch for the door, letting it swing open, revealing Die on the other side. The slim redhead leaned against the edge of the stall frame, his burgundy shirt gleaming in the pale glow of the bathroom lights. A brief flash of memory of Die on the dance floor earlier that night ran though Kyo's head. A lopsided grin formed on his lips and his eyes closed for a moment as he indulged in a little makeshift fantasy. Rather than the blonde girl Die had been dancing with, Kyo put himself in her place, Die's hips grinding against his own, his body warm and sweaty, red hair sticking to the taller man's face as he smiled _that_ smile at him. He groaned and opened his eyes.

Die certainly wasn't staring at him with _that_ smile on his face. Instead, it was more of a look of concern. The other man's eyes were bloodshot and glassy, the evidence of his drinking plastered everywhere in those chocolate depths. And yet... he was still with it enough to be staring at the last lonely line on the toilet seat and then down at the red plastic straw clutched in Kyo's hand. When his eyes finally settled on Kyo's face, he only sighed.

The world slowly undulated in and out of focus, Kyo's body swaying with the effects of it. He felt giddy, ready to explode... and at the same time incredibly tired, like he wanted to lie down and sleep for the rest of his life. He sniffed, tasting blood on his tongue. Slowly, he held out the straw to the redhead. "Left some for you," he managed to get out just before his eyes crossed and the world shifted violently to the right. He felt arms go around him before he felt blessedly nothing.

**To Be Continued...**  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Another Point Of View" by Mindflow

When he came to again, Kyo could make out the he definitely wasn't in the club anymore. He blinked slowly, one hand reaching up to wipe sleep from the corner of his eyes. He rolled over, the room spinning for a moment before settling. A low groan left his lips as he tried to prop himself up on one elbow. He swallowed thickly and then sniffed a few times. His eyes closed and he just sat there, torso half-raised from the bed.

A warm hand settled on the blonde's naked back, gently rubbing. "Are you with me, Kyo?"

He cracked his eyes open again and slowly laid back, rolling over to look at the other person in the bed; Die. The worried look on the other man's face meant the world to Kyo and he reached out one hand to swipe it over Die's cheek. "Think so," he murmured, wincing at how bad his voice sounded. What on earth had he been doing last night?

His mind flitted over what he could remember: bright, flashing lights, the first three lines done off his mirror in the VIP lounge at his novel-release party, and then the alcohol... so much alcohol. He remembered the taste of vodka and rum better than he wanted to. Wincing, he closed his eyes and briefly, the memory of fantasizing about Die in the bathroom stall after doing a few more lines flashed in his mind. Well... fuck. Opening his eyes again, he peered over at Die.

The redhead gave him a soft smile, though it was strained with worry. "Kyo... tell me what's going on... please?" 

Honestly, Kyo had never seen his close friend look this incredibly desperate before. The tone of his voice alone made Kyo duck his head in shame. "I don't know," he replied, as if this explained everything so that he'd not have to give any thought to his reply.

But Die didn't buy it. "Bullshit." He sat up, brushing his bright red hair from his eyes, the chocolate depths flashing with anger. "You bought drugs off someone and you used it last night. I caught you in the stall with it right before you passed out."

Kyo stared at him for a few heartbeats and then rolled over, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He didn't get far though, Die's arms coming around him and dragging him back into bed. 

The redhead pinned him down under his own body, long fingers encircling his wrists and holding them to the bed. "Who'd you buy it off of?"

He did his best to shrug, squirming under the hold for a moment before he gasped and stilled, staring wide-eyed up at Die. Something long and hard pressed against his hip and from the way Die was holding him down, that could only be one thing.

Die sighed, bowing his head. "Fucking answer me, Kyo."

The novelist made a face and then muttered quietly, "Some guy. I don't know his name. It's not like I've met with him before. I don't buy from the same place each time."

The look of pure horror on Die's face told him that he'd just said the wrong thing. "E-each time?" Die stuttered out, fear tainting his words.

Kyo looked away then, unable to stand the look in the redhead's eyes. "I'm a recreational user, okay?" he mumbled before yanking on his hands again, trying to get away from Die's hold.

The redhead only held on tighter. "No, Kyo... no." He shook his head violently. "You could have fucking overdosed! I thought you did last night!" Now he sounded both angry and frantic. His hands let go of Kyo's wrists only to grab his shoulders and start shaking a little. "Didn't you learn anything in school?!"

Kyo winced, shrinking back a little from Die's yelling, the volume of it making him fear for his eardrums, especially with the hangover he was currently working on. "Shut up!" he screamed back, only continuing in a more reasonable tone when Die quieted and stopped shaking him, just resting over him, a worried look in his brown eyes. He sighed deeply. "Look... I don't know what to tell you." He shrugged a little bit. "I've been using for years, since long before I met you." 

In a way, he knew Die was right. But in another, he craved the freedom that the drug gave him. He enjoyed the energy, the lack of caring what others thought as he did what he wanted to. And the parts he hated... those didn't outweigh the benefits... at least not yet. Even the fact that he'd been taken advantage of in Seattle a few months ago didn't really overshadow how the drug made him feel when he took it.

Kyo's eyes closed as he remembered that night with almost startling clarity considering the amount he'd taken that night.

_The same thought crossed his mind that had a million times before. One more line would keep him going, keep him alert and force the tiredness out of his body and mind. One more line and he could go back out there and stick around for another few hours, party a little harder and not be outdone by the writhing mass of bodies on the other side of that door._

_He leaned over the counter, little red straw clutched in his hand, shoved up his nostril as he snorted possibly the longest line he'd ever tried off the cracked once-white countertop. The resulting surge left him clinging to the counter, his eyes wildly searching for nothing in particular. He remembered feeling lightheaded and then absolutely nothing directly after._

_He didn't know how long later it was, but he woke up just as pain ripped through his body, jolting straight from his lower half. When he cried out, it was muffled by something cottony stuffed in his mouth. His arms wouldn't move and his thighs were held in the vice grip of a rather tall man that loomed over him, grinning in the most disgusting of ways._

Kyo jolted away from the visual memory and into the present. He remembered thinking about struggling, thinking about trying to get the man off of him, and more importantly out of him. But he'd looked down and seen the condom and just let it be, resting against the cold tile wall as that stranger had assaulted him, fucked him until he was raw and uncomfortable.

His eyes flicked up to look at Die, blinking serenely at him. Complacent... the drug always made him complacent. He sighed, closing his eyes. Around Die he could close them because he knew the redhead wouldn't put the moves on him... no matter how much he would have welcomed it if he did. 

Die gently shook Kyo's arm. "Hey... are you with me?"

Kyo shook his head and blinked up at him again, eyes focusing. "Hmm?" he muttered softly.

The redhead frowned and shook his head. "I said I wish you'd stop... that I'll help you stop."

Careful examination of the look in Die's eyes told Kyo that he was dead serious. And he didn't even have to ask in order to know that Die had cleaned up after him last night, gotten rid of his mess and made sure to hide the evidence. He stared down at his hand, seeing black ink and nothing more. No blood. One hand slid down into the covers, finding he was wearing absolutely nothing beneath them. Die had cleaned him up as well. He frowned a little. Why had he needed cleaning up that much? "You bathed me?" he asked, taking a guess since he didn't smell like alcohol, cigarette smoke, or sweat.

Die finally moved, rolling off of him and flopping onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Yeah... had to. After you passed out, you decided it would be nice to vomit all over yourself, the floor, and me." Die shrugged a little and then sat up, rummaging through the drawer next to him and then getting up, concealing whatever he'd pulled out. "Like I said... you need to stop. If you'd been on your back and I hadn't been there, you'd have died." Without another word, he left the room, padding quietly into the adjoining bathroom and pushing the door mostly closed behind him.

Kyo stared at that door, at the sliver of light coming through the crack between the frame and the door. He remembered Die saying the door couldn't be closed or it would stick and lock whoever was inside the bathroom in there forever. He closed his eyes and shrugged it off. Die probably had to piss. After all, that's what everyone had to do in the morning.

He yawned and rubbed at his cheek a little, just resting there, thinking about what all Die had said. Maybe it wasn't worth it... maybe he'd gotten himself lost in the hellhole of the cycle of drug abuse. He breathed out a sigh and let his mind drift, starting to feel tired again. 

Just as he was about to fall into unconsciousness, a low moan from the bathroom caught his attention, jolting him awake. He opened his eyes and lay there, listening attentively, ears attuned to listen for specific things now. And he heard it, heard everything he thought he would. The slick sound of lubricated cock being furiously pumped filled the air, seeping from the bathroom's partially open door. Die's breath was labored, harsher than it should have been if he'd been only doing innocent things in the bathroom.

Kyo lay there, staring partially at the door, his lips parted and his breathing shallow. If only he had x-ray vision to see though that door. As he listened, his own cock stiffened, poking rigidly against the Egyptian cotton of Die's sheets. He shifted, wetting his lips a little bit before he reached one hand down under the covers, gripping his dick. Immediately, he started to pump it, fingers moving over his arousal in all the best ways he'd learned from years of pleasuring himself.

Another soft moan came from the bathroom and Kyo responded with one of his own, the sound rather guttural. The head of his dick rubbed against the underside of the sheets, smearing precum around, dampening a small area. His hips tilted up, his balls already growing tight. The first erection of the day always resulted in a fast spew for him... that or not being able to cum from it at all. He was glad it was the former this time if he had to choose. He paused, closing his eyes and listening to the sound of Die jacking off in the bathroom. He turned his head and stifled a louder moan with the pillow while he went after himself like he had a gun to his head and the command 'cum' was leaving the lips of the gun's owner.

He panted harshly, gasping in air as the room started spinning again. His eyes rolled back in his head and just as his orgasm hit him, he blacked out. His straining muscles went limp as his body released, spilling his cum out over the underside of the bed sheets.

**To Be Continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "The Howling" by Within Temptation

The smell of potatoes cooking wafted into the bedroom, waking Kyo. He couldn't remember when, but at some point, he'd actually woken up and then gone to sleep rather than passing out. Blearily, he sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking around the room. Die's bedroom, that much was obvious from the red sheets and the general glamour that surrounded him.

Kyo stared at the floor for a long moment before he pulled himself to his feet and stumbled his way into the bathroom. He stared at the toilet for a good long moment before just pulling up the lid and sitting down on it rather than chancing standing up right then. As he did his business, he stared around the small red bathroom. It was cluttered with Die, as if it were a living, breathing extension of the man himself. Kyo smiled, feeling pleased to be in such a room, completely naked.

Memories of earlier in the day flashed through his mind, reminding him of the moans and the sound of Die jacking off in here. Immediately Kyo's eyes darted around the room, looking for the lubricant bottle. Maybe Die hadn't put it back. He found it between a can of hairspray and a bottle of leave-in conditioner on the counter. It was called Liquid Silk and was a milky white in color, resembling cum. Curious, he turned it over, reading the label and then he opened the top, squeezing some out onto his fingertips and rubbing them together. It felt nice between the pads of his fingers.

Finishing up, he stood and then flushed the toilet, leaning against the wall as he tilted the bottle, about to pour out more of the lube into his hand. The sound of wood creaking stopped him, his head snapping up to the doorway.

Die stood there, an amused look on his face, his arms crossed over his lean torso, pulling the taut black of his t-shirt even tighter over his chest. "Didn't get enough earlier?" he asked, though his voice held only humor, no malice. 

Kyo scowled at him, shoving the lube back on the counter. "I was curious," he bit out. But even as the words left his lips, his cock slowly started to harden between his legs; slowly but surely starting to stick out from his body.

The redhead let his eyes trail downward, slipping over Kyo's crotch and then he shook his head. "Someone needs to get laid." He smirked somehow knowingly at Kyo, still not moving from blocking the doorway. "I mean... you came so hard earlier you blacked out. By the way, if you're going to try to be smooth about wackin' it in my bed, you might want to try not blowing your load all over my red sheets and then leaving yourself hanging out and about." He chuckled then. "Not that I particularly minded the view."

The blonde stood there, staring at Die like he'd lost his mind for a few moments before he reached over and cranked on the faucet, starting to wash his hands - and then his dick - off. When he looked up in the mirror, all he could see were the dark rings under his eyes, the sunken look to his cheeks, and the way his once soft face was all hard angles. He frowned and splashed his face with some water before shutting it off.

Die handed him a towel and he dried off, bowing his head and staring down at his dick, which was still hard, poking out rigidly from his thatch of neatly kept pubic hair. "Do you have some clothing I can borrow?" he mumbled, not looking at Die.

Die just reached behind the door, pulling down a robe and draping it over Kyo's shoulders. He didn't say a word, but when he pulled away, he let his fingertips brush over Kyo's cheek. Quietly, he gestured for Kyo to come with him, leading the way into the kitchen where he'd set out two plates of eggs and square fried potatoes.

Kyo settled down, picking up a fork and starting to eat at the food, switching quickly from picking at it to swallowing it down like he hadn't eaten in days. But then, maybe he hadn't. It was hard to tell when the parties started blurring together, fusing themselves with one another. He shifted in his chair, robe falling open across his lap, revealing the fact that even through all of this, his cock was still straining for relief.

When Die spoke up, Kyo startled a little. "Kyo?" Once he had his attention, he continued. "I'll make you a deal. Just... think about it for me before you immediately say no."

Kyo nodded a little. There was no reason he couldn't hear Die out at least, right?

The redhead sighed softly. "I was thinking... a reward system. Every time you go to a party and you don't get high, I'll give you something you want. It doesn't matter how big. If it's within my grasp, I'll do it." He was holding his fork in the air, some scrambled eggs balanced carefully on the tip of it.

The novelist shifted on his chair and then crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at Die. "Anything?"

Die nodded, not hesitating at all.

"So if I go to Toshiya's party tonight and I don't take any drugs... you'll do _anything_ for me? No matter what it is?" He gave Die a skeptical look.

"I mean it. Anything, Kyo."

"How about," he moved in the chair, shifting his hips up a little, dick bobbing in the air. "I ask for a taste of that reward now and you give me all of it when I earn it?"

Die snorted softly. "What do you want, Kyo?"

"Right now?" the blonde queried.

"Yes, right now."

A smirk pulled itself across his lips. "Your lips wrapped around my cock, sucking me off." He pushed his hips up a little, as if to emphasize his point.

Die shifted his eyes to Kyo's dick, staring at it as he finally took that bite of egg and chewed thoughtfully. He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing. "How about..." he smirked, "you go use that lube in the bathroom and try to get your jizz in the fucking toilet rather than all over my sheets?"

Kyo scowled, shoving one hand down and grasping his cock with it. "How about I deposit a load on your kitchen table, smartass?"

Die snorted, standing up. "If that's your kink, go for it." He put his plate in the sink and then passed by Kyo, pausing and then leaning down to whisper in his ear, "But you go to that party and manage not to ingest any drugs and we'll see about that blowjob after, okay?"

Only the sound of Die's footsteps leaving the room snapped Kyo out of his gaping trance. He turned his head, watching Die retreat as he stared at him with wide eyes. Really? Really, really? Die would blow him if he managed not to get high tonight? He grinned. He could do that for damn sure!

A slightly more sobered look came over his face as he leaned back in his chair and stroked himself a few times. It felt too nice to get up and drag himself into another room. Slowly, he started pumping, the chair creaking each time he moved his hips, each time he arched into his hand. His breathing sped up, cheeks flushing as he found himself quickly straining toward orgasm, the thought of Die's mouth around his dick speeding him along at a breakneck pace.

He cried out, the chair popping again as he arched clean up from the wooden seat, his fisted hand sliding up and down his dick quickly. He watched, his eyes excited, his entire being radiating pure desire. A few seconds later, he lost it, watching as he spurted over his fist, a few drops splashing over his pale thighs. Trembling, he plopped back down in the chair and worked out the last bit of cum with little whimpering moans. Oh yeah... that was damn good.

He whined a bit and closed his eyes, just sitting there with a stupid grin on his face. Tonight... Die would be eating his cum. Of that, he was certain.

**To Be Continued...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame charlestonbitch for Die's long, skinny dick and the presence of the word spunk. XD  
> Beta Readers: rapturouspurple  
> Song[s]: " Wreckage " by BAAL

The pulse of the nightclub pounded around him, the feeling of it almost jarring. Kyo snaked his way through a group of scene kids, most of whom were probably too young to even be in this club, much less be drinking the brightly glowing beverages they were holding. Fake IDs no doubt. 

He'd already been here about two hours and so far he'd only had two shots of Patron. He loved that stuff for the long, constant warmth and the almost knock-you-on-your-ass abruptness of its effects. Die had been hovering like a buzzing fly all night, but Kyo had ditched him about ten minutes ago somewhere back on the dance floor where the model had been flirting with a large-breasted woman. The redhead was far ahead of him in the alcohol department, already four beers and a couple shots in for the night. 

Kyo felt a hand on his arm and he sighed, assuming it was Die. "Don't worry, I'm just going to take a piss," he muttered before he turned to look back. His eyes widened. 'Oh, shit.' A frown came over his face and he sighed. 'Great.' One of the guys he used to go to rather consistently for his purchases before he'd learned not to do that stood there, grinning widely at him.

"Long time no see, small fry." The guy's breath stunk of sour whiskey and garlic.

Kyo shied away from the smell and made a face. "Don't call me that." He pulled his arm back into his own possession, rubbing absently at the painful red welt the other had left just from grabbing him. "Not interested, so don't even ask."

The guy wasn't deterred at all, leaning in closer. "Oh come on now, man. You know you want some of what I'm offering." 

The double entendre of the words made Kyo wince. He remembered _that_ all too well. For the smallest instant his eyes closed and the image of the two of them coupling in a bathroom stall filled his mind. It had been painful and awkward and for the most part, completely unsatisfying for Kyo. He shook his head enough to make the room spin. "Leave me alone, Greg. I'm not buying tonight."

The dealer snorted. "Your loss, man. I've got the good shit tonight."

Kyo could feel his curiosity peak, the underlying need from the remnants of his last high still not having faded. He stared at him as he felt his willpower crumbling. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was about to open his mouth to ask what the 'good shit' was when a hand ghosted over his back.

"Who's your friend, Kyo?" Die's curious, slightly drunken, voice came out clearly over the pulsing music.

The blonde relaxed back against Die's hand, the pressure there sending confidence flooding back through his veins, sparked into existence by the intensity of his desire to have exactly what he'd been promised by the redheaded model. He swallowed and then scowled at Greg. "Old, _ex_ -friend," he bit out. "I'm not interested in his type anymore." 'At least not for tonight,' he could hear his brain whisper to him.

Kyo could feel Die stiffen just the slightest amount. He understood; that much was obvious. "I see," he said. "Well... then, if you wouldn't mind, I'd much rather be over there," he tilted his head back toward the dance floor and then flashed a grin that was nothing but empty at the guy, looping one arm around Kyo's waist and pulling him back toward the writhing mass of people.

Kyo went willingly, though he dragged his feet, having escaped the people because he just needed something else. Another shot, a breath of fresh air, a smoke... anything but this. He could almost feel the frustration welling up inside him. He couldn't even be trusted alone for ten minutes in a place like this. He stopped walking, frozen in place by the realization that he needed to get the hell out of here.

Die paused, peering at Kyo. "Hey... you okay?" he asked, concern instantly flooding his features.

The blonde closed his eyes, swaying a little. When he opened them again, he looked stricken, desperate. "Get me out of here." It wasn't a request.

Much to Die's credit, he didn't hesitate at all. Taking Kyo's arm, he steered him toward the exit. The crowd moved around them, bobbing and pulsing with the beat of the music. But Die maneuvered it like a pro, getting them out of there in less than a minute, pulling Kyo out the door with him and into the chilling rain.

It was there that Kyo stopped, pulling his arm back and standing there shaking as he gripped himself hard, his teeth gritted together. Swell after swell of the shakes ripped through his small frame. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried desperately to stop it from happening. When it finally passed, he found himself in Die's arms, standing on the edge of the street corner, Die frantically hailing a cab for them.

The redhead got them into the back of a white cab and gave his address to the guy. His arms held Kyo close to his body, trying hard to mask Kyo's shaking.

Kyo pushed his face into Die's neck and held on, his heart beating frantically in his chest. Everything felt sort of slow, like there was syrup slowing them all down by a fraction. He let out a tiny sound of frustration about halfway home, a flood of emotions swamping him as he sat there in Die's warm, caring embrace. He felt like the world was going to crush him, like nothing was worth anything and more than that, he wasn't worth a damn. Tears welled up and cascaded down his cheeks, completely unstoppable, no matter how much he didn't want to cry.

Die's hand stroked his hair. He didn't say a word, not a single one. This wasn't the place to discuss anything like this. When they arrived at his apartment complex, he paid the driver and got out, gently tugging Kyo with him. He kept his arm around Kyo's waist, holding the little blonde to his side as if they were attached by super glue. 

They took the elevator upstairs and Kyo found himself counting his blessings that no one was there to see him crying. Still, the tears wouldn't stop, the feeling of agony inside him wouldn't depart. He gritted his teeth hard and closed his eyes, taking huge gulps of air until he could at least stop shivering.

Die led them to his apartment, opening the door and only then letting Kyo go. Together, they took their shoes off in the entryway, Die then walking Kyo into the bedroom and helping him to get his club-dirtied clothing off, urging him to lie down and rest. He disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes and then came back out having changed into blue and black flannel pajamas. He settled on the bed next to Kyo and pulled him into his arms again, tucking him close as the blonde continued to weep. "Talk to me... what's going on in there?" he murmured, his hand stroking over Kyo's soft blonde hair.

The novelist shook his head. He knew all too well that he was just coming down, but it never felt like _just_. It was always just painful enough that he'd always given in and gone to do another line. The emotional impact of feeling so incredibly worthless was never something he felt like he could get through. But with Die there... he just clung to him, holding him tight, his hands clenched in the material of the model's clothing.

"Did you take anything tonight?" Die asked quietly, his voice almost hesitant.

Kyo shook his head violently and then whispered, "Coming down...."

Realization seemed to dawn on Die and he held him closer, frowning deeply. "How long?" he asked this time.

Kyo shook his head. It was never a sure thing how long.

Die lay there, holding the other man close, his forehead creased in worry. He'd never had to do this and he didn't quite know how to go about this all that well. "Do you need anything to help?"

The blonde gave a bitter laugh, managing to stop crying for a few minutes, wiping his eyes and snorting. "What I need you wouldn't give me."

The tone of Kyo's voice told him what he wanted and he shook his head. "You're right... but I will give you anything else I can."

Kyo closed his eyes and rolled over, running a hand through his hair. "Didn't you promise me something if I didn't get high tonight?"

Die nodded. "I did. Is that what you want right now?" He sat up a little, his deep chocolate eyes watching him curiously.

Kyo lay on his back for a few moments before reaching down and pulling his underwear down, squirming out of the boxer briefs and pushing them down to the floor. "Please," he whispered, closing his eyes. The need inside, the desire to feel loved and wanted, even if for a few minutes, was overwhelming.

The redhead took a deep breath and then pushed himself up entirely, moving so that he rested between Kyo's spread thighs, his hands stroking over the pale flesh. He let one hand trail up and over Kyo's hip and then across his flat, toned stomach. A little thin maybe, but nothing going clean wouldn't fix. He smiled softly even though the other couldn't see it. He shifted over Kyo, leaning his thin frame over the other man, his crotch settling over Kyo's as he pressed feather-light kisses over his jaw and down his neck.

Kyo's skin was soft, tasting faintly of cigarettes and sweat. Die's hips slowly shifted, his hips pressing down on Kyo's, starting a slow grind. He'd promised a blowjob, but right now he wanted more than that. He wanted to show Kyo that this wasn't just about his mouth wrapped around his dick, that this wasn't just about him quitting drugs. He sucked faintly on the blonde's Adam's apple and then migrated down to his collarbone, nipping softly.

Kyo whimpered softly at all the attention he hadn't been expecting to receive. He had to admit, it felt nice to have someone this close to him. It was good to know that Die was caring enough to treat his earned prize not only as a job, but that he seemed to be viewing it as if he enjoyed the task. It was as if this was something the redhead actually wanted to do. Slowly, achingly, Die traveled down his body, kissing over his entire chest, licking at each nipple before sucking and pulling away with a wet smacking sound. At Kyo's navel, he dipped his tongue in, swirling the appendage in and around the dip before nibbling on the tender flesh just below, barely getting his teeth on it and tugging.

The novelist moaned, his hips arching as he grew harder and harder with each action. Die's attention to his body was something he wasn't at all used to. When Kyo slept with someone, it was always harsh and fast; a fuck in a bathroom stall, a quickie in an alleyway. He never stuck around long enough to have someone worship him like this, to do so much to him before they were even to his cock. He shifted one hand, pushing it against his mouth in a fist. His cheeks were lightly dusted with arousal, goose bumps forming on his arms.

Die shifted the last little bit, his cheek brushing against the velvety length of Kyo's hardness. Smirking softly, he moved his lips to tenderly kiss the tip, slowly sinking down enough to flick his tongue over the head, lips sucking just below the crown. Kyo let out a shocked cry, his hips jerking a little bit and Die placed one hand on Kyo's slender hip, holding him still as he slowly descended down the shaft. He went halfway and then pulled back up, leaving saliva behind before he plunged back down again, taking damn near all of Kyo into his mouth.

The blonde shuddered, arching his hips and crying out louder. His free hand dropped to his left nipple, pulling and twisting at it as he bit down on the soft flesh between his thumb and forefinger. A shiver ripped through him, wracking his body. But this time, he didn't mind, didn't even care if it was related to the drugs fading from his system or not. 

Die's cheeks hollowed out as he sucked hard at Kyo's cock, his head bobbing over him. He sucked and licked, moaning a little bit as he shifted and his cock brushed the bed beneath him. He was horny, incredibly turned on by doing this to Kyo, by watching the little blonde squirm under his touches. He shifted his hips, his dick slipping over the bed with each thrust, providing enough friction to start pulling him up the ramp of his orgasm. His breathing quickened as he sucked Kyo, his efforts diligent and entirely based on pleasure. It was more than obvious that he _wanted_ to be sucking cock.

There was no warning at all when Kyo lost control, hurdling over the edge and into the oblivion provided by his orgasm. His back arched, his eyelids fluttering closed as he spilled his load into Die's mouth. He moaned, over and over, as though he were going through the best thing he'd ever experienced. His small body finally fell back against the sheets, trembling from the force of his release.

Die hesitated for a moment before discretely using the edge of the sheet to spit into and wipe his mouth of the excess. It was always better safe than sorry in his opinion. He glanced back up at Kyo, finding that the other was just staring blankly up at the ceiling, panting quietly. Smiling, he stalked up Kyo's body and then settled over him, leaning in to kiss his jaw, then his cheek, and finally he pressed a tiny kiss to his lips. One hand rose to Kyo's hair, stroking through the blonde locks. "So... how'd I do?" he grinned.

Kyo actually managed to give a breathless laugh before he shook his head. "You sucked, you big red goofball." But then he chuckled and cracked open his eyes to peer up at the other. "Blew my mind," he muttered, blushing faintly.

The redhead smirked a bit and then rolled over, laying beside Kyo for a minute or so before he shifted around, moving his pajama pants down enough to reveal his long, skinny dick. Despite the way his breathing rose, the way his heartbeat elevated in fear, he wrapped his right hand around his shaft and slowly started to stroke himself off. He let out a quiet moan, unable to hold it back as his hips pushed up against his hand.

Kyo turned his head a little, his eyes sliding down Die's body all the way to his dick, watching as he jerked off, licking his lips as he enjoyed the sight. He swallowed thickly, wetting his lips as he worked up the courage to say something. But the longer he watched and the faster Die's hand got, the less he could breathe. It didn't take him long to realize he was slowly getting turned on again, Die's display making him long for more from the redhead.

After a few minutes, Kyo could tell Die was getting close, his hips were arching up every few seconds and he was making little gasping sounds to go along with it all. He moved then, pushing himself up and then turning around. He settled back down so that he was sitting the opposite direction from Die, his legs next to Die's head. Reaching out, he pulled Die's hand from his cock and moved it into his lap, pressing it against his arousal.

Die gasped, whimpering pitifully when Kyo pulled his hand away, but immediately grabbing Kyo's dick, stroking him off quickly, his eyes dark black pools of arousal.

Kyo gave him a naughty grin before he grasped Die's arousal, stroking slowly for a little bit, watching for that moment when Die wanted more than Kyo was giving. When he found it, he leaned over, blonde hair brushing over Die's lower abdomen as his mouth closed over the redhead's cock. He sucked hard on the stiff flesh, moaning quietly as he started to give him head.

Die gasped in a breath as Kyo's wet mouth engulfed his cock. A thrill ran through his body as he settled his free hand on Kyo's head, only resting his hand there, not pushing. His hand moved faster over Kyo's length as he panted, gasping out Kyo's name when the other managed to deep-throat him. He shuddered and raised his head, watching as his dick disappeared into Kyo's mouth over and over again.

The blonde sucked hard, swallowing around Die's dick a few times until he felt the tenseness in the redhead's body, foretelling of his impending release. Die trembled under him and then tried to push him back, letting out a strangled cry. But Kyo refused to move, letting Die spend himself in his mouth, swallowing after each spurt. Once Die was spent, he pulled away with a wet pop and shifted a little bit closer, giving Die a better angle to finish him off with. "Just... just a little f-faster," he panted out. 

Die complied, jerking him off quickly, his grip getting tighter. It only took a few more strokes before Kyo pulsed in his hand, the blonde shooting his spunk all over Die's fingers. Die stroked him until he was empty, finally pulling his hand back and flopping on the bed, struggling to breathe.

Kyo gave a breathless chuckle as he closed his eyes and flopped over next to him. "Holy shit," he breathed out.

The redhead grinned rather stupidly up at the ceiling. "Holy shit, indeed."

**To Be Continued...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "headache" by 9GOATS BLACK OUT

When Kyo woke the following morning, he felt tired and his mind felt a little foggy, kind of like a typical day in London. He shifted, stretching and yawning before he sat up, looking over at Die's sleeping form. The redhead was pretty much where he'd been the night before only now his arm was thrown over his eyes and his lips were parted as he gently breathed, deep in the throes of sleep.

Kyo smiled a little, getting up and slowly making his way into the adjoining bathroom. He did his morning routine, taking a piss, finger-brushing his teeth, and then using some of Die's mouthwash right after. He peered into the mirror, staring at his face for a long time. He could see the wear and tear that using for so long had taken on his body and he frowned at himself. Shaking his head, he turned away, pausing in deliberation as he stared at the shower. Die wouldn't mind... right? He supposed not.

Stepping into the shower, he turned on the water, letting it warm up before he switched it to the showerhead, pulling the curtain shut with one hand as he did. The water splashed over him and he let out a small moan. It really had been too long between showers. Honestly, too long since he'd had hot water, since his gas had been shut off months ago. Somehow he'd paid electric and water, but that was about it.

He reached for the first bottle he spotted and found it to be a manly scented body wash. He popped the cap, sniffing it and then pouring some into his hand. It smelled like Die always did and somehow the thought that he'd smell like the redhead put a slight smile on his face. Lathering himself up, he hummed softly, his eyes closed as he washed away the dirt and grime of the past few days. Somehow it felt more like he was washing his former sins down the drain, like rebirth. As the last of the suds washed away, he swore to himself that he'd never use again.

His fingers closed around the shampoo bottle just as the edge of the curtain moved, revealing Die's curious gaze. Kyo paused, staring at him.

"Hey... mind if I join you?" Die looked tired, the weary look in his eyes giving away how little sleep he'd gotten the night before.

Kyo stepped back a little bit. "Go for it," he returned before he poured out some of the shampoo into his palm and started scrubbing it into his blonde locks. His eyes scrunched shut as he rubbed away at his hair, creating foam.

Die's presence entered the shower and Kyo felt him press close for a second while he reached for the shower gel. Kyo rinsed his hair out and then washed his face off before reaching for the conditioner and repeating the process all over again with the new liquid. He shifted back a step when Die quietly shifted forward to rinse off. While he waited for the conditioner, he peered at Die, his eyes roaming the other man's body. Die was thin, almost achingly so, but he also looked like he'd been working out a little. His gaze drifted lower when Die started shampooing his hair, Kyo's eyes finding the thatch of dark curls, neatly trimmed and thinned out, the tiniest and faintest of treasure trails leading down to it. He didn't even realize he'd been staring for a long time until Die's body began to react, his cock slowly starting to swell and stiffen. 

Die cleared his throat, directing Kyo's gaze back up at his face. He was blushing faintly as he stepped forward again and rinsed the shampoo from his hair. When he was done, he stared quietly at Kyo for moment before stepping back and quickly putting some conditioner into his hair.

Kyo moved to rinse his hair out completely before he shifted closer to Die, reaching out and cupping his cheek. When he did, the redhead opened his eyes and stared at him. The novelist smiled a little bit and then leaned in, brushing his lips against Die's softly. He pulled back fairly fast, blushing a bit, waiting on Die's reaction.

Die's eyes widened a fraction when Kyo kissed him, not having been expecting that in the least. His breathing sped up as he shifted, gently pushing Kyo against the wall, his hands sliding down the blonde's sides before he dipped his head and caught his lips, kissing him passionately. Their tongues tangled with one another, a representation of something much more carnal than this simple act.

They parted only when they were absolutely desperate for air. Panting, they stared at one another for a few long moments before Kyo took a chance and slowly rolled his hips against Die's, looking for the reaction he so desperately wanted. Die didn't disappoint, moaning at the friction against his erection. The blonde shivered and arched toward the other man. He wet his lips and closed his eyes. Biting the bullet, he asked for what he wanted. "I want you... please... I promise I'll stay off drugs forever if you'll just... let me have you." His voice was quiet, achingly low as he voiced his plea.

The redhead gently kissed the corner of Kyo's mouth before he murmured softly, "Wait for me in the bedroom... strip the bed real fast if you would."

Kyo nodded, quickly slicking out his hair and then stepping out of the shower, pulling one of the towels from the hook and drying with it while he heard Die starting to rinse off on the other side of the curtain. He bolted into the bedroom and stripped the bed in record time, balling the stuff up in the corner next to Die's hamper and then trying to dry his hair better, ruffling it with the towel as he stood there.

When Die came out of the bathroom, he was carrying a bottle of lube, his towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled a Kyo, rubbing a hand over the blonde's lower back before he handed him the bottle. "Hold that. I'm going to put new sheets on the bed."

The blonde took the bottle, standing there reading the label like he had before, his eyes curious. He wet his lips a little and then started watching Die as he flitted around, putting jet black sheets on the bed, even changing the pillow cases and then putting a red and black comforter over the bed before he took off his towel and crooked a finger at Kyo. Kyo gave him a toothy grin as he moved on to the bed, settling on his knees next to Die and holding out the lube.

Die took the bottle and put it on the nightstand, reaching inside and pulling out a single condom, putting it next to the lube before he opened his arms. "Come here."

Kyo obeyed, shifting into his arms and leaning back against that strong chest, tilting his head to peer up at the redhead. "I really do promise I won't do drugs again," he murmured, eyes reflecting honesty.

"I believe you'll do your best, but temptation is a hell of a thing to get past." Die laced his arms around Kyo's waist, holding the other close while he just talked to him for a little bit.

Kyo shifted around, pushing his towel off the bed and then settling again. "I know... but I won't go to parties anymore. And if I do because I have to for some reason, then I'll ask you to come and stay with me... keep me out of trouble."

Die pondered the way Kyo had said that, turning all the plausible meanings over in his mind. After a moment, he softly questioned him, "Does that mean you want me in your life as more than just a friend with benefits?"

He hadn't really thought about it, hadn't gotten that far in his thought processes. But when Die asked, he bit his lip and pondered it quietly for a little bit. Eventually, he nodded slightly. "I think... I'd like that. I'm changing my life, shifting to the new. I think maybe this all happened to push us closer." He tilted his head more and blinked up at the other. "What do you think?"

The redhead gave Kyo a gentle smile, nodding a little bit. "I'm willing to give us a go as long as you swear to me that you won't ever go behind my back just to get high." He lifted one hand, gently stroking his cheek with his thumb. "You're not really you when you're tweaked... you know that?"

Kyo shifted a little bit, turning just enough to put his arm around Die's waist and rest his head on the other's shoulder. "I swear I won't... and... I'm sorry, Die. I'm sorry I haven't been the guy you met years ago and I'm sorry I lost my way. I'll do my best, but... I'll need your help. I can't do this alone." He closed his eyes. "Trust me, I've tried." Flashes of the past scattered through his thoughts and he winced a little, remembering when he'd switched drugs a few years ago after trying to quit entirely. 'So much for that,' he thought bitterly. But this time, he'd do better.

"I'll be here," Die replied softly before shifting Kyo's smaller body, pulling him into his lap, encouraging him to straddle him. The blonde did so immediately, not resisting at all. Die made a soft sound when Kyo came into contact with his dick, his body still partially hard from earlier. "You said you wanted me... did you mean this way?" he asked quietly, his lips moving to gently brush over Kyo's neck, teasing at the tattoo there.

Kyo didn't answer, he just closed his eyes, shivering slightly as Die's tongue curled along the 'D' of his tattoo, the first letter to the word _Damned_ he'd gotten scrawled there a few years before. Sometimes he felt like that... like he actually was damned. But today it felt almost wrong to have that inked on his body, plastered there as a painful reminder that he'd been fucking over his life for the past eight years. But maybe... maybe that reminder was necessary; maybe it could be more of a deterrent now than it ever had been in the past. 

Die moved to the 'a' as he slid one hand down Kyo's arm, taking his wrist and guiding Kyo's hand to the redhead's dick. He mapped out the 'm' and then moaned softly, whispering, "Touch me," before his tongue was right back at work, finishing out the remaining three letters. 

The blonde shivered a little bit, his free arm clinging to Die's shoulders, helping to support him and keep him firmly in the other man's lap. His long fingers gripped Die's length tightly as he started to move his hand, pumping the other man's cock with obvious pleasure. For a long few minutes, he just stroked him, allowing Die's mouth to roam over his skin, tasting him. It aroused him to the point that he couldn't even believe it himself. He reached finally for Die's hand, pushing it down between them, pressing it to his arousal. Breathlessly, he whispered, "So... did you bring the lube in for a reason or not?"

The redhead chuckled softly, nipping one final time at Kyo's collarbone before he shifted their positions, slowly laying down and then rolling them over so that he was between Kyo's parted thighs, the small blonde on his back. He stared down into that face, his hands moving to slide down Kyo's sides before he leaned in and kissed his lips ever so gently.

When he pulled back, Kyo's body tried to follow him, a whimper of a plea escaping the blonde's lips as he shivered a little. His mouth formed another plea, but he didn't give it a voice. Die didn't need the sound in order to understand, the smallest of smirks coming over his lips as he stretched a little and retrieved both the condom and the lube from the dresser. First, he tore open the foil package and settled back enough to see what he was doing. Using both hands, he slowly rolled the clear latex over his dick, almost straining into his own touch as he did. Making sure it was snug against his body, he then popped open the bottle of lubricant and poured out some into his palm. Closing his eyes, he jacked himself off with that hand a few times, moaning quietly.

Kyo watched, his eyes paying perfect attention to Die's every movement. Something about the redhead doing all of this actually had him twice as turned on as before. Maybe it was seeing that Die wasn't fumbling at all... or maybe it was knowing that the other wanted him enough to at least do this with him. When he felt Die shift again, he closed his eyes and spread his legs further apart, waiting for Die to enter him.

A sharp gasp slipped from Kyo as he felt only Die's slick finger press at him. One digit slid into his body with complete ease, slowly moving in and out, making him writhe with the pure feeling of it. He whimpered and arched toward Die, trying to encourage more. It was a few minutes before Die moved on, pushing another finger in beside the first. Together his fingers searched out Kyo's prostate, finding and stroking over it while the blonde cried out uncontrollably beneath him. Kyo's cock was hard, achingly stiff as he took the pleasure Die was giving him in its entirety.

When Die pulled his fingers away, Kyo's eyelids flew open and he reached out almost frantically, as if trying to search for the lost sensations and get them back. But then Die was there, the heat of his arousal pressing against his backside and the comfort of his body close to Kyo's own. "Shh..." Die whispered before catching Kyo's mouth in a gentle kiss as he started to push forward. Slowly, inch by aching inch, Die slid into the tight warmth of Kyo's body until he was fully seated inside him.

Kyo pulled away from the kiss to lay his head back. He remained there, just feeling the fullness as he quietly panted at the intensity of what he was feeling. Soon enough his body relaxed and he shifted his hips, trying to get Die to move. The redhead complied, spreading his thighs a little more and pulling almost all the way out before pushing back in with a low moan.

Together they set up a pace that was somewhere between slow and fast, their bodies arching into one another as they both gleaned their pleasure from the actions. Kyo's cries grew louder, his voice giving away how much he was enjoying the way Die was fucking him. Just when he thought it couldn't get any better, just when his orgasm was right within reach, Die's hand closed around his cock, stroking him in double time to the pace of their thrusts. It wasn't but a few seconds and Kyo was cumming, his scream of absolute pleasure echoing off the walls of the bedroom.

Die's mouth covered his own as the redhead sped up, his hand never stopping as he fucked him harder than Kyo would have thought possible for those last few seconds. And then Die stilled deep inside him, his cock pulsing as he filled the condom with his release.

When it was all over, Die slowly pulled away, moving to the side of the bed to discard the condom and use one of their towels to clean up the sticky mess on his hand. Almost tenderly, he shifted back to Kyo and cleaned his belly and the head of his dick with the towel before placing it back on the ground. 

Sliding closer, Die curled up next to Kyo, his arm around the smaller man's middle as he smiled at him. Kyo grinned back up at the redhead before he turned his head and buried it against the crook of Die's neck. 

As Die allowed his eyes to close, simply resting, he could only think one thought: this was the beginning of everything he'd ever wanted.

**The End**


End file.
